CHURCHES CAN HELP STOP DOMESTIC VIOLENCE
By Mike Coglan
Well it wasn't two weeks after she got married that
Wanda started gettin' abused
She put on dark glasses and long sleeved blouses
And makeup to cover a bruise
Well she finally got the nerve to file for divorce
She let the law take it from there
But Earl walked right through that restraining order
And put her in intensive care.You probably recognize these are words from the popular song “Goodbye Earl” by the Dixie Chicks. It’s a song about premeditated murder in which the “hero” and her friend Mary Anne poison a man and dump his body. They get off scot-free, and as the songs says, they don’t lose any sleep at night over it.
I love that song.
Apparently a lot of people loved the song. The album sold 10 million copies and the video won major awards. Part of the success is because domestic violence stirs an outrage in people. This outrage doesn’t justify murder, but the dark humor of “Goodbye Earl” gave vent to the thoughts and feelings many of us have. There’s a guilty pleasure in seeing an abusive husband get his payback.
I know there is something hypocritical about a pastor enjoying a terrible story like this. There’s also something hypocritical about performers who think its okay to kill your husband but not Saddam Hussein. But my point is we all like to root for the underdog. We like to see bullies punished. We like to see victims rescued. And it’s inspiring when they rescue themselves.
Unfortunately, most victims of this type of abuse find it impossible to rescue themselves. They don’t have a friend like Mary Anne and their abusers are rarely as unpopular as Earl in the music video. They face enormous emotional and financial challenges. They are often educated women who live in nice houses. Domestic violence is not defined by race, religion, or income. The one consistency is the victim’s gender. 95% of victims are female, and she can be a homemaker, a CEO, a teacher or your hair stylist. She might be your next door neighbor, your closest friend or even your mom.
Domestic violence has become one of our country’s largest public health concerns. It’s estimated that every 15 seconds a woman is battered by her partner. That’s more than two million women physically abused each year of which 4,000 will die. This doesn’t include women who are abused verbally, psychologically and financially, which in many cases is even more harmful. Sexual assaults take place an average of every 45 seconds in the United States, most by non-strangers. As many as 1 in 4 girls are sexually abused by someone they know before the age of 14.
Dear Fellow Pastor,
A short time ago our church decided to take a stand on the issue of domestic violence & teen dating violence and get some training to respond to it. We agreed together that God wants us to care for those who are weak and oppressed. We remembered that Christ himself spoke against injustice and violence, especially when it was against women and children. The church exists to bring healing to all lives that are broken by sin, including those who abuse.
Kyle Kelly serves as our regional domestic violence coordinator and advocate trainer. Her leadership exceeded our expectations to prepare our congregation to respond to domestic violence. Kyle spoke to our congregation, to our youth group and also trained two local advocates. In little more than a year, we have provided counsel, prayer and encouragement for at least three women in difficult situations. Thanks to Kyle and AVA, we are far better prepared to respond to future needs, and we are simply a safer church than we were before.
I wholeheartedly recommend Kyle to train & equip you to help your congregation address domestic violence & teen dating violence. Like me, you may not see the need. But friend, it’s there. And your silence on the issue may even make the problem worse.
I can hardly imagine a better value for the investment. Please call me if I can share more about our experience.In His love,
Mike Coglan
Pastor, Community Covenant Church
To schedule an AVA workshop or presentation contact Kyle Kelly at (402) 625-2491 kylekelly@alltel.netAVA Partnership Invitation
We think of this as a woman’s issue, but tragically men and teens suffer this same kind of abuse.
Unfortunately, most victims of this type of abuse find it impossible to rescue themselves.
Kyle Kelly, serves as our AVA Regional Coordinator. Her ministry to the churches has been outstanding.
Your pastor will soon be receiving a letter from Kyle requesting that your church partner with us (the Conference Women Ministries Board) to continue this ministry of healing and hope in our churches.
